It's all different, yet totally the same

I have moved, changed cars and changed jobs all about 19 times... each.  Since I was 17.  School schedules were always changing and my jobs weren't always accommodating.  My first favorite car was totaled (I wasn't in the car) and I've been chasing that ever since.  Some cars were too expensive to maintain or insure, some were gas guzzlers, too big, too uncomfortable, some I flipped for profit.  I always had a reason.  We've owned the same two cars now for almost 2 years.  That's almost a record for me! HA!  They're ten years old but they are both really good us.  I wish their ages/mileage were more staggered but I guess we'll have to see what happens.
I even changed schools (colleges).  I attended 2 junior colleges and 2 state colleges over the course of 8 years and I didn't even officially obtain my BA. On the upside, I have no student loan debt.  But the point remains, what I was able to control, didn't even help me succeed, I just danced sideways like a crab.
We bought a house last year.  It was the largest home on the largest lot in our price range, but with that came a laundry list of things to fix or update.  It's been 16 months since we got the keys and I can't wait to pass them on (maybe I can leave the pesky little black dog behind too!).  I will save this for a later blog.  Again, I want to move because I'm unhappy.  I need to get myself better before I can focus on things like choosing what laminate floor to put downstairs.

I work my job so I can drive my old car and fix my old (1970's) house.  What the heck?  Sounds like a scam!  Why would anyone want to barely make ends meet while suffering with depression and anxiety?  We thought having a quiet, peaceful home with lots of sunshine and a nice yard to relax in would help me.  I guess we didn't factor in that I would become quite obsessed with fixing it even though I have no know-how of what to do, only what I want.  I can't change out floor tiles!  So I struggle.  I want a smaller home with an easier yard to maintain.  Last night we made a simple dinner and picked weeds in the front yard.  What a shitty evening.  Then I freaked out and tried to go to bed at 8:30 because I wanted to "clock out" for the day and my husband wanted to help talk me down from my anxiety attack.  He talked, I cried, he was right, I'm unhappy...  I'm in a vicious shitty cycle of B.S. right now and I have the best husband- I just hope I don't push him away.