not capable

I know I am not capable of suicide. All I really want is to be left alone or to leave my life. I just want to get away, where no one knows me. A place I can start fresh, where the little black dog and past sad memories can't find me. Is it me ruminating over past failures or my lack of solid accomplishments? I find I am not truly proud of anything I have done. I have existed, I am not even sure if 'survived' is the right term because in many ways I am still here, in my own mental hell. What legacy do I have to leave behind?  I have no children, my dogs are not my own. I do not have wealth, I barely have health. I have shared air and used resources. I was an 'accident' by all accounts. It seems I have accidentally gotten this far. But where am I going if I know that I'm unhappy? Where is there to go? Is there an end of the rainbow? A land where the grass is truly greener? Do better things lie ahead if I can just hold on a little longer? #sadness #anxiety #suicide #depression